Bath - not all it was cracked up to be. To us anyway.

We were supposed to get up for breakfast at 8:30.  I'm not sure what time we got there but we were late and the woman made it known.  Not nastily but still.  I don't give a shit because we're paying and quite frankly we can come an hour later if we choose.  


I will admit that the dining room was packed.  There ended up being three other local couples.  All of them British, all of them with bad teeth.  I don't get it.  The pound is worth more than the dollar and they should be able to get their teeth fixed.  I'm guessing it is either genetic or because of lead.  Seriously, they made a lot of roofs from lead and then drank the water that came off them.  Hey, it was the middle ages and what not but it could have had some serious effect on their dental evolution.  In every place we go there are like four or five dentists but I swear they must only work on each other.


Anyway teeth aside, Bath is quite beautiful.  Even the women were better looking here.  Well, it was one of those days for your favorite traveling couple.  It really is quite a surprise that we're both alive.  If one of us were to have been killed though, it wouldn't have been me.  Just sayin'.


We decided not to drive in to the city but to go to one of the park and rides just outside of it and take the bus in.  At least we thought that was the plan.  Maybe that was her plan and mine was something different or vice versa.  (FYI - we're on the road to Cardiff, it's raining, dark and there's some crazy turns.  Oh, boy). 


Jess has to pee.  Mind you it hasn't been much longer than 20 minutes since we left and she went before we left.  She has to go really bad too.  Like, eyeballs floating bad.  She's got her legs crossed on the bus and practically in tears.  She decides we should get off on the next stop and she makes a mad dash to the closest restaurant looking place and heads in.  After a few minutes she comes back out and we are on our way to the abbey.


Inside, this abbey is easily the most beautiful one we have seen this trip.  The ceiling is pretty ornate, the stained glass is very cool and some of it is painted.  It's the usual story with the abbey.  It was catholic, Henry VIII stole everything and it eventually became a C of E.  We got tickets for the tower tour.  It was pretty cool as well.  Not as high nor as secret as the last one but it was still pretty cool. We saw where they ring the bells from, the bells and we even went out on top.  You can see the city on all sides and the buildings are the same sandstone color they are in Salamanca and the architecture is pretty cool as well.  It's what you do in Bath, walk around and look at the buildings - that and go to the Roman Baths.  


I know I am going to sounds like a shithead but these would have been cool had we never been to Rome or seen Roman ruins elsewhere. I think I may be getting jaded.  That would suck.  I think part of it was ruined because there were a lot of annoying people all over the place.  if you go, go early and try to avoid the crowds.  apparently they can't multitask.  God forbid you plug in the number in your audio guide and then walk.  They all stand there mouth open and looking stupid.  We made our way through the rest of the Baths and decided to head out and look for a cache or two and get some lunch.  We're still not really talking at this point.  Some growling and short answers and questions but we're ok.


We find one earth cache but believe the micro we are looking for is gone.  We head in to some marketplace to get some food.  I get a beef and veggie pie and some potato thing and Jess got some snacks and apples.  The pie was good but the potato thing had some kind of Indian tasting shit in it.  I'm good with most stuff but not Indian.  I bit into that potato ball and wanted to vomit.  I crumpled that thing up and downed a bunch of Coke to get the taste out of my mouth.


Out next stop was Pulteney Bridge, the Ponte Vecchio of England.  Point Vecchio is a beautiful bridge in Florence with a bunch of shops from medieval times on it.


Yeah, not quite.


It's nice but it's not Ponte Vecchio.  We walked across it and then back.  There was a cool antique map store there.  I figured it would be damn near impossible to get it back home without damage so, we didn't go in because I knew I would want to spend a good chunk of change.  


Our next and last stop for tourist sites was the Royal Crescent.  I don't remember what the story is behind it but they are basically this   row of houses that are in the shape of a crescent.  They're in Victoria Park.  We found a cache.  Another slight argument ensued here.  Jess sat on the bench and I went and took pictures.  We argumentatively made our way over to our last stop in Bath, Thermae Spa.  We were both looking forward to this as we have gone to the Blue Lagoon in Iceland and a place in New Zealand.


The Blue Lagoon, Thermae Spa is not.  The water was barely fucking hot.  We headed up to the pool on the roof and got in.  Not hot.  Barely piss warm.  The rooftop pool was packed.  You also were not allowed to take pictures.  I suppose I wouldn't want me taking pictures if the place I owned sucked ass.  So, not only was the pool packed but it was packed only by us with Asians.  Perhaps we have Asian magnets in our asses or something but no less than eight Asians crowded around us.  First a young couple floated next to us and then into me.  I'm not admitting that I jammed him with my elbow but I might have.


Then these four Asian guys floated over our way.  I think they were Japanese but I won't swear by it.  Hey, I know a Korean guy who didn't know that another Asian guy was Korean so it's ook for me not to know where they were from.  These were the four happiest motherfuckers you have ever seen.  They were so excited to be in that lukewarm water, they were splashing around, yelling to each other an just being really giddy.  I'm not sure if it was the jets in the floor making the bubbles that got them all excited or not but In my narration of the subtitles to Jess it was.   repeat them but even I can admit they'd be inpropriate for here.  If you've ever read Chuck Palanhiuk's "Guts", you'd know in part where I was going with this.


The next two to come over were two chicks who I think knew the guys because they were splashing each other.  That is before the one chick pretty much decided to sit on my lap.  I'm not trying to be funny.    In 9 months I might have a child somewhere in Asia.  The problem is that I wouldn't even know which country to look for it in!


Jess and I were getting along until this infidelity, which quite honestly wasn't my fault.  Just kidding, we hung out in that area a little longer before heading to the steam rooms, which we couldn't use because they were scented and Jess hates smells. One was lavender but I don't think we even got to that one. There was eucalyptus and something else together.  One of them was frankincense.  WTF!  We used the foot baths which were just stupid and then headed down to the Minerva Bath.  We spent some time in there relaxing in the bubble area, and waiting for the spout to turn on, which it did, blasting Jess and catching her off guard.  We headed out of the area and showered and got on our way.  The showers were actually quite funny but I am probably not allowed to tell that story.  Don't worry, no one got hurt and we're still talking.


We grabbed some starbucks and got to the bus to head on over to the car park and our hour drive to Wales.